Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up under a house in Key West
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