apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
