my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
