Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
