around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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