nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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