They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
