Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
