drinking out of a sandbucket again
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So much Jack, so little girl.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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