the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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