WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
