I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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