i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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