Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
