32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize