I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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