Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
