marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
