we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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