Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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