I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize