my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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