Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
