why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
