i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
