then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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