I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
