I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
