just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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