hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
