My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
