just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
