I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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