This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
