I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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