SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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