I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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