He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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