Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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