How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
they're like a gay fantastic four
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
