We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
