U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
