That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
