Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
