So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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