her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
