arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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