dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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