I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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