Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just made my gag reflex go away.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
