He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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