I met the friendliest cop last night
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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