There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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