I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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