Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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