like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
