i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
