I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Randomize
