Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
