Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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